One year ago today...

Since the end of April, I catch myself thinking, "One year ago today, I was....," filling in the blank with the appropriate information. "One year ago today: my water broke, I was transferred to Forsyth, I went into labor, saw Amelia for the first time, touched Amelia for the first time....." The list goes on and on and on.

While writing her journal, I've never gone back to read a previous entry. Until tonight. Since she would've been 2 weeks old today, I read the blog entries from days 14 & 15. I held Amelia for the first time on day 14 and will forever remember the feeling of her tiny, warm little body wiggling against my chest to settle into what would forever be "her spot." I can still remember the feel of her tiny, toothpick sized fingers grasping my index finger and the sterile scent that would quickly become sweeter to me than any perfume money could buy. Her stats became picture perfect and my world suddenly made sense.

In my own words - "As soon as they put her warm, wiggly body under my shirt, against my skin, a peace came over me that's impossible to describe. All was right in the world and every single step we've taken to THIS one, single moment was more than worth it. THIS is what we were praying for, we just didn't know it. "

As much as I loved her then, as confident I was that I could never adore her more than I did in that very second, I'm daily overwhelmed by emotion as I hold our little girl, inhaling her own unique scent and feeling her chubby fingers completely wrap around mine. I go to bed each night, sure that I couldn't possibly love her more. Yet, each morning I wake up to find my heart has expanded to somehow accommodate the love and joy that appears upon seeing Amelia's smiling face looking up from her crib, anxiously waiting for me to peek over the edge. As soon as she sees one of us, she squeals, kicking her chubby legs in excitement. How can you not be crazy about someone that's THAT excited to see you?!

As wordy as I am, I can never find the right words to thank God for His abundant blessings. Thankfully, He knows my heart but that doesn't stop me from trying! Usually, I manage to muster a very sincere, extremely heartfelt "thank you" through my body's replacement for words - tears. Poor Amelia's going to think her mommy is a basket case once she gets old enough to realize I'm crying nearly each time I rock her! Eh...she'll figure out I'm not quite right eventually anyway.

You've heard that "love is blind?" Well, that's not always true. I love Amelia more than anyone could possibly imagine...but I'm not blinded by that love. I know she's rotten. There's no denying it. She has us ALL wrapped around her chubby fingers and none of us are a bit ashamed. She's become quite the Daddy's Girl lately, though. She cries the second he walks in the door because she didn't magically appear in his arms. He HAS to come get her or she has a complete meltdown. hehe Yes, I think it's funny and he tries not to smile. He fails.

If he needs to go outside, well, she NEEDS to go with him. Bathroom? She'd prefer to join him there, too. Across the room? Don't get more than 6 feet away or you're asking for it! Granted, she's like this with me, too, but it's just so cute to see the Daddy's Girl coming out in her! It's even cuter to see this big guy melt to mush just 'cause she says so. Bless his heart, he just doesn't even have a prayer!

Her favorite place to be is in our bed between the two of us. She rolls and climbs all over the place but takes little breaks of lying down between us, making sure to reach out and touch us both. She'll look up at me and smile, then over at David. Once she's confident we've gotten her message, she gets back up and plays some more. She climbs up on David to give him kisses then will roll over to give me kisses. Those are the BEST kisses in the whole, wide world even if they are a bit slobbery! Once she's ready to go to sleep, she'll grab her blanky and lie down between us. She HAS to be touching us both or she can't get situated. She cries if one of us leaves, but that's pretty much par for the course these days. Surely, she won't have such separation anxiety much longer. Surely. Will she? lol

Amelia has been a drooly, whiny, clingy, teething grump this week! Sometimes it looks like another bottom tooth is coming in and other times it looks like one of her top teeth. She really wasn't bad today but yesterday was rough. Hopefully, she'll be good for Nana tomorrow!

Oh!! We went to Amos Cottage in Winston for Amelia's physical therapy evaluation this past Monday. The therapist was absolutely taken back by Amelia's progress and health. She didn't see any physical problems at all and said Amelia was on target for her adjusted age of 9 months. We just need to help her get caught up to her actual age of 1 year but she didn't see any reason, what so ever, why Amelia wouldn't get to where she needed to be on her own.

I could've told them that.

I did tell them that.

Nobody ever listens to me.

I had to laugh when the therapist asked the same question we were asked throughout our time in the NICU - "Are you sure of your dates? She doesn't act like a 25 weeker!"

"Yes ma'am. I've ovulated 3 times in 10 years, all three medicated. She was conceived on a Sunday at 9:27 pm. I ovulated 17 minutes later." TMI?

She seemed genuinely surprised and pleased with Amelia's muscle tone and development, commenting on how strong Amelia was which is something we heard in the NICU, and actually something I've heard all my life. She IS her mother's child, bless her heart.

I suppose I should go to bed in case Baby Bear wakes up sometime during the night. Some night she does, some she doesn't. I REALLY like those nights I get to sleep all the way through, except I rarely manage to sleep the entire night. My mommy ear keeps me half awake at all times, expecting her to request my presence (ha!) at anytime. Some of the very best sleep I get anymore is on Saturday when she's at David's mom's because she's gone all day and I don't have to worry about dropping her off or picking her up. It'll be rainy tomorrow....Amelia will be at Nana's....do you see where I'm going here? *smiles innocently*

I hope you all have a wonderful and SAFE holiday weekend. Be sure to thank a soldier and his/her family if you can and thank you for being here. This miracle girl STILL belongs to us all...

G'night!

What a wonderful weekend!

Although Amelia's birthday isn't until this coming Friday, we had her party yesterday and it seemed to be a success! I didn't get to decorate as much as I wanted or make as many things as I had planned but time seems to slip away a little more quickly now than before. :)

David and I went to set up Friday evening, and since it was going to be so late by the time he picked Amelia up at his mom's, we decided to just leave her there to spend the night. He said Nana managed to not squeal with excitement but could tell she was just a little bit excited when he called to see if she "minded" if Amelia stayed over. Bless his heart, he said his heart dropped and his eyes welled up with tears when he finally made the call after we had deliberated for an hour. Then again, I was on the other side of town, bawling my eyes out because I wouldn't get to kiss my Baby Bear goodnight. What if she cried for me and thought I just wasn't coming to her? What if she thought I had abandoned her? What if? What if? What if?

I cried off and on all night while David agreed that "it just didn't feel right" around here. He finally fell asleep around 3am and it was 4am before I managed to drift off. He was up before 8:00 and I just shortly after. We managed to wait until 8:30 before calling only to find out Amelia had fallen asleep around 10:00, woke up sometime around 1:00 to eat and slept until 7:30. Nana put the phone down to Amelia and she said "hey" to us, at which point her daddy once again got a little misty-eyed.

Nana and Amelia arrived at the church a little after 1:00 yesterday afternoon and I could finally breathe again. Aside from the couple days I was sick while Amelia was in the NICU, I've never been away from her that long. It was almost 24 hours! *gasp* Had I known ahead of time she wouldn't be coming home Friday night, the "hand off" would've been nearly impossible but was a little easier since I didn't have time to think about it. Selfishly, we both wanted her home but it was really better for her to let her settle down for the night instead of her falling asleep during the 30 minute ride home, getting here at 10:00 and then having to settle back down only to be woken up early and taken right back over to Nana's.

It was best...for Amelia. ;)

Her party was wonderful although I felt like I was going to pass out from some sort of hot flash that just wouldn't quit. Everyone else appeared to feel normal and comfortable, but I was walking around on fire. I couldn't even wear the jacket that went with my dress so folks probably thought I had forgotten to finish putting my clothes on. lol So, to you wonderful people that attended the grand event, I really didn't forget, I just didn't think you wanted to have to call 911 when I passed out.



Miss Amelia was a little clingy for Mommy at first but warmed up after her nap and when we placed her on the table with her cake. Just like her mother, everything was made better by buttercream! She dug in as daintily as she possibly could - with both hands. Even though David, my aunt and my mom tried to get her to share, she just knew this cake was just for her! She did give me a bite, though. hehe



After cake, David and his mom cleaned her off in the kitchen sink:



I changed her clothes and it was off to open gifts! Of course, she was more interested in chewing the ribbons and bows but I'm tickled pink by all the goodies she received! You should see some of the dresses and outfits - TOO CUTE! Thankfully, I won't have to buy Amelia any clothes until Fall. Now, if only I could just resist the temptation. *sigh* That's a whole 'nother discussion.

PawPaw Rusty gave Amelia her first Harley:


Isn't that adorable?! She may be a little small for it now but it won't be long before she'll be rocking in style.

Nana & Pawpaw Wayne gave Amelia her very own quilt:


Unfortunately, she won't exactly be USING it but it will be greatly treasured. I think it's perfectly wonderful.

We gave her a tricycle:



and my mom bought Amelia an adorable, pink swing and a beautiful carousel horse for her room. We already had those things so we don't have pictures of them.

Everyone else showered Amelia with fun toys and beautiful clothes. We weren't concerned with gifts; we just wanted everyone to be there for this special day. We're thrilled and extremely grateful for everything received and for those that took time out of their busy lives to celebrate with us. We know those unable to physically be there were celebrating in their hearts. We're very fortunate to be surrounded by so many wonderful, caring friends and family. ♥

Pictures from Party - http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2064137&id=1378911125&l=92a65af973

It's late and we have to get up early in the morning to meet the Early Intervention lady so she can tell us how wonderful Amelia is. haha! Again, THANK YOU ALL for your prayers, gifts and support throughout the last year. Amelia is a very lucky little girl to have all of you in her life.

I'll leave you with my Facebook status for the day:

I spent last Mother's Day in a hospital bed with my hands on my stomach, praying for the tiny life growing and thriving within me despite all odds. This year, I hold that life in my arms, giving thanks for the beautiful, smart child she has become. Her smile dries my tears and her laughter heals my heart. I am FINALLY who I was meant to be all along. Happy Mother's Day!

Goodnight...

For our 2 remaining followers....haha

Hello to those still checking in! I thought everyone had pretty much stopped reading until I had two emails in the last few days asking where their updates were. lol So, here I am for our two loyal readers. *grins*

Amelia is, as always, simply wonderful! Somewhere along the way, she has come to the conclusion that she MUST be held for the majority of her waking hours...and preferrably her sleeping hours, too! Most folks tend to point the finger at sweet, innocent little ol' me as the culprit but I'm quite sure I have no idea what they're talking about. :-D

She isn't crawling yet but sits up like a pro! For the times she's not wanting to be held, she MUST stand and/or MUST be touching somebody in some way or another. My mom and I took Amelia to Applebee's yesterday, and for the majority of the time we were there, Amelia held my hand. If she let go for whatever reason, it wasn't long before she was reaching back out to grasp my finger. She didn't really LOOK for it, she just held her little hand out and somehow knew what she wanted would suddenly appear. ♥

If she's sitting on someone's lap, she'll find their fingers and slide down until her little feet are on the floor just so she can stand. She doesn't want you to hold her up by holding on to her body - it HAS to be by holding her hands only. Her game. Her rules. lol!

Amelia has 2 little bottom teeth that are sharper than any knife I have in the kitchen. Her toothy little grin is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and melts my each and every time I see it. At church last Sunday, she stood up agains the back of our pew and blew raspberries at the people behind us. I don't think any of us paid nearly as much attention to the message as we did to Amelia. How sad!

Her "words" are starting to sound more like actual vowel and consonant sounds instead of just babble but she hasn't said anything yet. Mom and I are trying to get her to say "Mama" but I think David's mom is trying to get "NaNa" to be her first word. David goes between "Mama" and "Dada." lol Eh, I don't guess it really matters since she won't really know what she's saying for a while and ANYTHING would be an improvement over whining.

Yes, she does take to whining quite a bit. Thankfully, only at home and very, very rarely does she do it in public unless she's extremely tired. Even then, picking her up and carrying her around fixes the whine-box. Holding her so she can stand fixes it at home. ;-)

Amelia is eating very well, preferring "real" food to that icky, smooshed, liquid mush they call "baby food." We chose to do more of a Baby-Led Weaning introduction to solids and it has worked wonderfully for Amelia. She was completely uninterested in solids in all forms for the longest time, but just as it's been with everything else, a light switch flipped and she dug in. She's reached the point of mostly feeding herself by hand and plays a little with her spoon. If we're at a restaurant, we feed her so it doesn't look like a herd of wild animals came through when they weren't looking, but she mostly feeds herself the rest of the time.

She still doesn't hold her bottle completely on her own, though, but that's to be expected since the glass bottles are a bit heavier. Amelia uses her sippy cup fairly well now, so we're moving on to straws and open cups. Now, THAT'S a mess! hehe Thank goodness it's only water!

Ummmm....let's see....Oh! Her birthday party is THIS Saturday and her birthday is the following Friday. I will NEVER have her party on Mother's Day Weekend again if I can help it. lol Who knew people actually made a weekend out of the holiday?! I think it's awesome and hope maybe Amelia and I can do the same when she's a little older but nobody around me had done anything like that. We usually went to see Gran on Mother's Day and that's about it. Maybe we do it all wrong. lol

*sigh* I love her. Each night I rock her to sleep and am overwhelmed with emotion, thinking I couldn't possibly love her more than I do...then morning comes and my heart has somehow expanded overnight to accomodate the additional joy and love a new day brings. Her open-mouth, slobbery kisses are the BEST kisses in the world and her incessant "talking" is music to my ears. Although...I have a feeling she'll be the child that NEVER stops talking once she starts.

Y'all know I've never quite had the words to express the feelings of gratitude and joy I have for the blessing of this child and I still don't. I try but it's just not possible. So, I get a little misty-eyed, say a prayer and hug her a tiny bit tighter. For some things, there truly are no words...

I'm going to go work on some birthday stuff but leave you with a couple picture links. I hope they work! If not, PLEASE somebody lt me know and I'll upload some to Photobucket.

As always, THANK YOU for being here for the last year! Yes, it's been over a year now since my water broke and I went to the hospital. Sometime over the next few weeks, I need to write down how it all happened and put it in the "my story" part of this site. :)

Here are the pictures:

April: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2060256&id=1378911125&l=b20bdd07ef

May: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2063509&id=1378911125&l=ee0993761b

First Easter: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2059695&id=1378911125&l=2ece19639f

Thank you! See you soon! ♥♥♥